Dollhouse Rainy Morning

. well, Isn't the world beautiful this morning?


Little men working in the big doll house across from me; a pretty painted wall of chairs and coffee berries painted on the window like a holographic logo, while learners and teachers and doers walk by purposefully with hoods and leaned umbrellas; inside my body lounges on warm leather with 10 fingers busy pressing buttons, eyes busy reading, mind busy finding meaning; outside their body busy staying upright and moving forward, feet touching rubber touching wet pavement and muddy sod squares, mind busy racing to their destination, their feet finding the next sound step. Outside, wood, metal and heavy machinery bang and rattle like the coffee machine and register behind the counter. Outside birds chirp because it's the thing to do right now and inside the patrons are singing little songs to each other too. Inside, in my head, Animal Collective is making funny noises and singing words I can't understand but that sound nice.

Harley Quinn

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Don't call my name.

Out of Africa

In my dream I must help someone carry the remains/entrails of someone from the village. I am there when someone performs a ritual with them/on them. I am unsure why or how they died and I am both sickened and ashamed of them. When I return to the room where the entrails were originally stored but are no longer there I am worried that the room is somehow carrying a disease and that people will find me out.

In my dream I am in a place where survival is a daily task. I feel helpless. I am able to buy a healthy beautiful piglet and I do not plan on eating it. I feel happy. It turns out that the piglet is sick and I must turn it over to where the sick piglets are feeding from a weak mother. I feel helpless and horrible. Later the sick piglet will be butchered for food for people that are also already sick. I feel sick. I feel hopeless.

I am barely surviving.
I am scared.
I am sacrificing my resources to save something else. a beautiful little piglet.
I am giving up the something once it changes for the worse. sick piglet
I feel helpless and horrible. it is sick and will be used for food for the sick.
I am crying. I see the weak pig mother and the dozen sick piglets trying to feed.
I am feeling sick. I must abandon the piglet. I failed.

I work hard to try to save something from certain death but I do not have the supplies to do so, and seem to have made the situation worse

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There are things that I keep hidden for a reason, things I let lie. In my mind, getting started on this assignment would be a sign of progress and 11th self-salvation. I was relieved when I awoke this morning and remembered my dreams; I would have material to use for the assignment. After recalling my dreams I feel sick. Upon writing the last line and reading the instructions I feel like I have struck a sleeping body in the snow with an icepick. Blood is tainting the white snow. I try to cover it with more snow and the red seeps through. Fcuk.